Sunlight dappled the drought ridden land, its ochre grasp reaching in between the thinnest of cracks. A flat, copper skinned adder glided along the rocky surface, its pale belly tracking dust and dirt. Meanwhile, a small, lithe lioness slowly stalked towards the snake, its feather of a tail swinging briskly from left to right. She pounced, crushing the adder with a single swift death blow. It was poor food for a pride of lions, but food was scarce in the Wastelands ever since the Grace Pride had lost their territory to the Basilisk Pride after a savage and unjust attack.Here is a link to photograph and related information. Does anyone else make this connection?
What can I say about such an exquisite piece of descriptive writing? You have created such a strong visual mood that one can almost feel the hungry desperation of this very proud lioness.
ReplyDeleteAs I read it over a few times, I wondered if the poem "Pride" could also have been talking about the plight of women in drought and war ridden countries trying to fight for the survival of their children. Does the poem serve as a metaphor for this?
Follow the link underneath the poem to read about the important work of Masasai women in their struggle for survival.
I think your first sentance is amazing because of how descripteve it is.
ReplyDeleteThis story was cool because it describes nature in a descriptive way with animals that you wouldn't normally see (you wouldn't ever see a basilisk unless it is the small lizard one)!
ReplyDeleteHello! I think this is very descriptive and well thought out.I like the very last sentence the most. Does this have to do with something about what the people think their pride should be?
ReplyDeleteWow, just wow. It's crazy how descriptive it is. And it explains how hard it is to survive in a desert-wild area. I love it!! it must've have taken you a while to get it so...awesome!! By the way, who wrote this mini-story?
ReplyDeleteI really like your poem
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive especially the first sentence.
ReplyDeletewhen i read it i thought of like a snake or an animal like that.
I really think that it is interesting how you used basilisk because it shows that you know how to use things from other books.
ReplyDeletewhat do you mean "other books" if your thinking harry potter, J.K Rowling didn't create the basilisk, it's actually a european legend, J.K Rowling just used it
Deletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basilisk
Nice Job! This Kinda Makes Me Think Of Lions Though. (A Pride Of Lions)
ReplyDeleteAlso It Makes Me Think Of The Victorian Sport, Women Fighting For Money!
:D
It's so descriptive! I like how you used the sentence 'Sunlight dappled the drought ridden land, its ochre grasp reaching in between the thinnest of cracks'. I like the visual dappled because I think of cats and clouds. I also enjoy how you said ochre grasp. Very creative! Good job!
ReplyDeleteit'e very descriptive. The first sentence especially. i love how you descriped the adder, "a flat copper skinned".
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed ready this, and I think if you turned this into a book with the same caliber of what you've started now I think it would be good. I could see struggle at the end of the piece so you could probably improve that part but it's amazing!
ReplyDeleteHidden Ninja
This paragraph is so descriptive! I love it. It makes me think of those parts in books where you realize how interesting and descriptive it is eg. (This is from The Death Cure By James Dashner). But someone slammed a sledgehammer into the windshield from above and a huge spiderweb blossomed like a white flower in the glass.
ReplyDeleteWOW!!!!!!!!! That was amazing I really got a mental picture when you said " Crushing the adder with a single swift death blow" and " food was scarce in the wastelands"...... fantstic job!!!! :O :D :p
ReplyDeleteThanks thanks thanks!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you all really liked my writing!!
(well,obviceously I know now,but,before I read the comments!)
wow that really speaks to me it is just the most interesting and awsome peice of writing
ReplyDeletevery nice peice of writing the picture and the words go nice together.
ReplyDeletedescriptive too.
Good story I would like to read about what happened before the story.
ReplyDeleteWow. That was a great short story. I love how it was a small scene but it was also very interesting.
ReplyDeleteGemini01
Amazing story so much description :D
ReplyDeletePoor lions
ReplyDeleteBut I like the story anyways
ReplyDeleteIt was a short but sweet non-fiction story.
ReplyDeletea very interesting and thought-worthy poem id love for more poems to be on the blog
ReplyDeletethe detail you put was amazing, you described everything so beautifully. i loved it all!
ReplyDeletethis poem is amazing! very intense
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed another one of your pieces once again. You really have a gift in writing. I would love to read any other things that you write.
ReplyDeleteDonutLover227
It sounds like a harsh environment
ReplyDeleteThis could be a great allegory for any of the events where people struggle ant try hard to survive, such as the Masai women in the link.
ReplyDelete