Monday, June 11, 2012

Nightmares by JL

Nightmares!!!

It was the fourth of July. In the pitch black of the hot night I thrashed through the soft wall of the sweaty comforter only to find my fate..........

Boom, Boom, Boom.

The sound gets closer and closer. The explosions spewing their venomous sparks. A few metres farther the gigantic firey flames touching precious lives of helpless heads. Fighting, struggling I am stuck in the spot I want to run but there is no chance I could move. I just came here for a dare, the reason why I would do it was unknown. All I knew was that I couldn’t move.

The thundering footsteps getting closer, I just wanted to scream but then I would have no chance of surviving. Cob webs were tangled in my hair. I was hiding in an old wine cellar, not a great place to hide when you’re dealing with sailors! I see a large black spider crawling toward me I yelped and then swatted the spider to the floor and crushed it.

All of a sudden I remembered where I was! I quickly locked the door I’m not sure why I didn’t do that before, but than again there was no logic here! Even though that man probably had a key it would buy me a little time. Before I could say donut the door was unlocked and it flung open. I squeezed under a shelf, the hairy man glanced around, grabbed a bottle of rum. As he was about to leave a shard of glass sliced my leg. I screamed in pain. The hairy man’s big green eye stared right into my hiding place. I swear it was like he was shooting me with a lazer. He grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, I wanted to say, “I’m not a cat!!!.”

Luckily for me he was a little drunk so I was able to escape, and the race began. I darted past the captain quarters, who was shaving with only a towel for clothes. Scared for life, I kept on going and going until I got to the main deck. Guards were absolutely everywhere. Several of them grasped my pajamas hard. ( Yes I was still wearing my Pj’s.)

They dragged me to a guillotine and dropped me in it. At this point I would’ve rather have walked the plank! The Captain strolled to the front of me thankfully wearing some clothes. With a surprising gesture he yelled, "OFF WITH THE HEAD!” The blade flew down the string like a rocket. I could see the explosions getting closer. I squeezed my eyes shut, the blade touched the hairs on the back of my neck and sent shivers down my spine. This was my end, my fate. I didn’t even get to say good bye or anything. I, I, I, woke up in a cold sweat panting for air. I glanced around. I was in by bedroom all was quiet and peaceful. Everything was safe. I slowly layed back down and shut my eyes.

17 comments:

  1. This piece captures the strangeness of perspective and warped time of nightmares really well.

    I love some the words and descriptions that you used in your story. I especially like your opening sentence and the metaphor, "thrashed through the soft wall of the sweaty comforter".

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  2. I loved the interesting words you used like "The expolsions were spewing".

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  3. nice story really long maybe you should make a series

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  4. I liked how you kept the pace upbeat and stuck to your topic. I really liked this piece of writing, and I think its good, but next time I advise not to use 'Before I could say donut' because I think this is a very serious story and that was a bit corny.

    I still love it. :D

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  5. Hey! This kinds of sounds like the Hunger Games like you are running in the woods trying to save yourself. It was really cool how when you said that the noises were getting closer it could've sounded like a gun shot. Also, it's cool how you made a nightmare poem out of the Fourth of July and fireworks.

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  6. I Hope You Can Make A Story Out Of This! This Is A Great First Chapter.
    And KT, I LIKED THE BEFORE I COULD SAY DOUGHNUT!

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  7. I like how in the end, you find out it was all a dream.

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  8. I really felt like I was in your dream. There were so many dazzling words. It really was a nightmare. I felt like I was on a boat.

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  9. very good but at some parts could use a bit more fire power and punch at some places but i highly enjoyed it and hope to see more!
    Hidden ninja!

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  10. Thanx to all of u I actually am writting a series. I am on chapter 2 and thanx for all of the advice.... VERY USEFUL!!!!!!!! :p :) :o BD

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  11. i love the descriptive words you used like "thundering footsteps".

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  12. I agree with KT not to use donut because it really takes the seriousness out of it. I like though, that you did a good job with personifications and metaphors.

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  13. wow that was quite scarry and the words made it seem realistic

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  14. I wouldn't want to be in the position of the person in the story

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  15. I liked the third and the last paragraphs

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